Friday, October 3, 2014

On My Heart

I feel the need to share this, as it has been on my mind for the past three years. I have been wanting to move to Florida for three years. I have been wanting to go to school there, and live there. My original plan was to go after graduation, then the plan changed to leave in August, it moved to September, and then it moved to January. I am starting to doubt my dream. I have always had this inkling that it may not work, and that it was too big of a dream for me to acheive, but I want it to work. I have been looking for a job for a couple of years now, I put in over 200 job applications this summer, and I only got three calls back. I didn't get those jobs obviously, so I went the whole Summer doing babysitting jobs, saving a little bit of money, enough to help me get a car soon. I now have a job, but I got the job too late in the game. I also do not have a car of my own, and I am so close to having the money for it! But I don't have any saved up for Florida, and this is where my dream shatters. The simple solution would be to wait a little longer, but I really want to get started in Florida. I want to get my residency, and I want to be somewhere else besides here, not that being at home, in Oregon is so bad, I just want to be somewhere new. That was a choppy way of getting this off my chest so the public can read about my current, biggest concern, but I didn't know how else to voice it. 
This morning, I had a nervous breakdown about not moving there. I started crying, and I ate eight scoops of brownie ice cream, with a topping of salty tears. Nervous breakdowns really do wonders for a girl, because even though I have no solution yet, I feel empowered, and I feel that it will work out. Breaking down helped cleanse me some, washing away the heavy build up of denial, and stress. I feel better about this whole situation. I feel as though everything will be ok, and my dream will come true, and it will be good. So now, I am just praying and hoping for a tiny miracle. Praying that I will somehow find the money to get me there, and to make my dream come true. I have put myself through so much stress because I wanted to make my dream happen, and I cannot give up on myself, or my dream. I can't put myself through meaningless stress, the stress has to go towards something, and it will, it goes towards making my dream happen. So, if you could show your support, or tips, please do so through the comments or my e-mail. 

Thank you for reading the outpour of my heart, and I'm so sorry for the chopiness of this post, I wanted to get it all out. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday, and continues to have a wonderful weekend! I will be working on Chemistry, Anthropology, Ceramics, going to work, and blogging. Busy weekend. 

4 comments:

  1. Hi Courtney! :) I know this has been tough for you, I'm in this situation now too but it's a great thing you know what you want cos I don't even know what I want. I hope everything will go to plan soon. Sometimes we really just have to wait. x

    http://thewallflowersecrets.com/

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    1. You are very right. I may just have to wait. :)

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  2. Omg breakdowns do wonders. Those honestly always make me feel so much better. I was in a similar situation for 4 years, but only with cities, not states, and it finally happened last year… I can only imagine the difficulty of saving money to move to an entirely new state. Sometimes when something is pushed back like that, it may just mean it's not the right time, not necessarily that it's not going to happen. But everyone knows how difficult it is to wait for something you want so badly. I hope one day you are in Florida, and you can look back at this post and smile, knowing you reached the dream you longed for :)

    - MeYouAndHayleyLarue.com

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    1. You are so incredibly sweet. Your comment made me tear up a little. I do have to remember that it may just have to be pushed back a little, and know that it will still happen. Thank you kind friend.

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