Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Dream: This Year, Next Year, Years to Come

I have been wanting to do a special  post like this for a few weeks now, but when I begin to write, nothing comes to mind, or I feel it isn't interesting for my readers. That's just silly, usually when I write these types of posts, they become the most read. 

I dream of becoming much more than I already am. I think everybody dreams beyond what they are, unless they are content with who they are. I am content with who I am, but I look forward to who I will be. 
Now that school is out, I have a list of things I want to achieve before school starts up again. I keep putting them off because I feel nervous and anxious about them. I also can't do some of the things until after I get back from my trip to Yellow Stone National Park. One of the major things I want is a little job. Just something so I can have some money for shopping and I also I want to start saving up for Florida. I want to go to college there, and so I would be moving there in a little over a year (hopefully August of 2014). I also need to research scholarships, that's more for when I start school though. I want to redesign my blog, I just can't find any templates I like. It's all little things, but they come so fast. 
This summer, I have started researching birthing methods, and midwifery facts. I journal my findings in a notebook that I have set aside for the research. I want to be more factual in midwifery, since that is my future profession. I want to know what I am talking about, be able to give advice and educate myself on the ways of natural birthing and midwifery. Sometimes I think, who would ask a seventeen year old girl on birthing advice? My aunt. I want to be able to answer her questions, because she has had some, and I have been able to answer them. It's exciting to me that she is asking. I also want to obtain the information for my own, personal gain. It's a summer research project. I'm proud of it. 
Sometimes, I wish that I was more involved in my high school. I could have been, but I chose to spend more time on homework. I don't know how other kids do it, in a bunch of clubs, tons of sports, and they have jobs. I can barely manage the time I have, and I didn't do sports this year, I didn't do a club this year, I did homework. I guess CAL did take up a lot of my time my junior year, and CAL certainly will take up a lot of my time senior year, but senior year, I am going to make an effort to become more involved. I want to be in Key Club again, I want to do track again this next year, I want to be involved. I have been involved the past years at Barlow, with Key Club, track, theatre, CAL, field trips, cafeteria worker. Next year, I want to do as much as I can. I want to volunteer more, make more friends, maybe be involved in a school production. I think I can pull it off. 
This is the summer that I need to get back into shape. I have noticed some features about me that I would like to "morph", not change. I love who I am. I just need to get into shape... starting with running. I need to get back into running. I haven't been super interested in running in a year. Sophomore year was the last year I did track. I took a year off my junior year because I was learning about CAL, CAL took up a lot of time, I needed a break from extra things. I also need more yoga in my life. Freshmen year was when I took a yoga class, it was at the end of the day, and I noticed that when the class was over, I felt so relaxed and my body felt wonderful after the 83 minute yoga session. I need that in my life again. 
Junior year was the year that I lost many friends. The two major losses I suffered were people that I have known most of my life. I have known them, and been friends with them longer than I haven't known them, and longer than I haven't been friends with them, and all of a sudden we aren't friends anymore. It's utterly sad, and disturbing. I have lost some other friends this past year, been rejected and felt alone. I keep going over the situations in my head, repeating the hurtful words they said to me, asking myself what I did to deserve that, asking myself if I am really what they say I am. Because of those losses, and because of those words, my self esteem has decreased. I tried to let those losses and words bounce off me, but I couldn't. I am probably one of the most sensitive people. I cry easily, I am embarrassed over things that happened years ago, things damage me deeply, and I need to work on my repair this summer and the years to come. I need to toughen up, and I need to laugh at my fumbles. I need to cherish the friends I do have, and remember the happy memories I had with the friends I lost. It's actually their loss that they don't want to be my friends anymore. 
Toward the end of junior year, I shunned all social networking sites. I have been shunning twitter for most of the year, it doesn't spark my interest anymore. I have been shunning facebook for quite some time, I only use it to talk with family members, and post my blog posts to. Instagram was becoming too much for me. It was a major distraction, so I deleted the app off my phone, and took a two week break from Instagram. It was a much needed break. During those weeks, I was studying finals for CAL and for Barlow, so if I had Instagram on my phone, I would have been checking it every second. That break from Instagram was actually really great. It wasn't torturous, it wasn't hard to give up, it was nice, I had no distractions. I kept Pinterest on there for some of the final stretch, but I ended up deleting that app too and focused solely on my work. Social networking can be so stupid sometimes, and other times it's wonderful. Instagram is wonderful for documenting moments. I love it, and will always use it, but thanks to the break I took, I have calmed my Instagram use. 
I love to daydream, and think about my future. I spend hours on Pinterest browsing through the craft boards, the wedding pins, the clothing pins, pins of homes, pins of gardens, I dream and secretly plan while I am on Pinterest. I think every pinner does. Pinterest is a way of escape. It helps me escape to a dream land of fun projects, and things to achieve, and I want to achieve a lot of things. 
This year, I achieved my goal of ending my junior year with awesome grades. Keep in mind, I took some pretty hard classes. I was in CAL, which means I take college classes. I was on the Mt. Hood CC (Community College) honor roll, and on my home-high school honor roll. 
My grades are worth advertising, so I ended my junior year with three Bs, and four As. The Bs were in Medical Terminology, Economics, and Algebra 2. Medical Terminology and Algebra 2 were my hardest classes. I'm proud of my B. Economics was somewhat difficult, and I'm proud of my B. My As were in Applications & Practices in Health Care, Health Science, French, and Writing 115. 
I spend all year sweating, crying, and stressing over my grades... and it's so worth it in the end. I love looking at my grades, knowing I worked hard for them. 
I took the sky pictures this past year. I took the pictures of me, today, exactly for this post. I felt they would illustrate this post very well, and they have. I want to post more journal posts, more thoughts, more dreams and hopes I have. I want to more of these posts where my readers get to know me, and where they can see my personality. This blog isn't just for baking, or crafting, it's about me and my life, the projects I do, the trips I take, the thoughts and dreams I think. This blog is mainly for me too look back on, and also a chance for me to get crafty and creative. I'm excited to see where this blog will take me. It's taken me to pretty cool places already. 

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