Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Pointless Worrysome

Lately, I have had bad anxiety about silly things such as grades, and new classes. It's the end of first semester and the beginning of second semester. Grades are being changed and it fluxuates for the whole class. Yesterday was a weird day for me. It was the day before school after a week off break. I was sad about some things that happened yesterday, and still mourning the things that happened a few days ago. I was anxious and nervous about starting a new math class with a new teacher, in a room without windows. I was nervous about my English grade, and if it really was going to end up being a D. I spent the whole day under my blanket, resting in turmoil in my chair. Trying to be calm, trying to ease my mind, but nothing helped. I wasn't so much worried about specific things, but those are the two and a half that I narrowed it down to. Last night, after my shower, I crawled into bed and I looked up my grades. I was starting to sweat, in panic that my English grade was really a D. I looked at the bottom line, and there it was, a beautiful B. I sighed in relief. The day before, Sunday, I had looked at my grades an discovered a D in my English class. I freaked out of course and called my mom (I was at Kenzie's house) and she told me that the grades were probably not done being calculated and that we were over anxious. I didn't let it ruin my time with Kenzie, but yesterday, it made my stomach do circus tricks and my head spin. I was so happy. I have a B. I am very happy with that. I am also very happy with my new math class. I checked what room my new class was in this morning, room 108. I haven't been down that hall in a long while. I entered the room, and there was a very nice looking women sitting at the desk. I saw a familiar face with her feet up on one of the desks, casually talking to the teacher. I relaxed a bit. I sat kitty corner to the teacher's desk. I always try and sit in the second row, not in the middle, but toward the wall. I sat down, and everyone was in a joking mood. More of a jocund mood. Joking and jocund. Someone's phone went off during class, and the girl said, "Oops." And she just turned it off. Normally, people would laugh... The immature people who are wonders when it comes to wasting time. Nobody laughed. We just smiled and the teacher went on with giving the notes. It was nice. The notes were easy to understand, the assignment isn't too long, and it's not due till the 31st! We have two days to complete the assignment. That's what I like. The reason for this post is because I wanted to jpurnal how worrying and feeling anxious is kind of pointless. In some cases, it's fine to have a fun kind of anxiousness. Maybe you are going on a fun trip and you are excited about getting started on your voyage. It's the bad kind of nervous anxiety that makes your stomach do tricks and puts you in a state of panic. That kind of anxiety and worry is so pointless. This is coming from a girl who worries and stressed about every little detail. From getting to school on time, to making sure my paper has proper grammar. I am the queen of worry and stress. My mom often tells me that if I keep up this worry and anxiety, I will give myself an ulcer. That is another reason I am writing this post, to give myself (and my readers) a small piece of advice. Worrying about things isn't going to make the waiting process shorter, or help out. It just makes you feel sick. I am can't vouch for all cases, such as a surgery or a disease. Sometimes worrying is a good thing because questions pop up that you might want answered. In my cases such as grades, and new classes, small things like that, it is pointless to worry. Everything always turns out fine. Everything turns out ok. Today was great because I had an epiphany about worrying an anxiety. It inspired me to write this post. It also taught me something about how I can eliminate that unnecessarry stress and anxiety. I just have to tell myself that everything will work out. Everything will be fine and I need to enjoy my day. The thing about anxiety is whenever you listen to the anxiety and follow it, you strengthen it. So the anxiety is worsens. It wont get better until you fight it.

I was so excited about this post. I had been jotting down notes all day about it, writing little things here and there in the post. I was really jazzed. I proved two things today: blogging mobily is easy peasy; and that stress, worry, and anxiety can be eliminated with happy thoughts and distractions... You don't even need to bring anxiety into your life because everything turns out ok.

The picture is of a road in Warm Springs reservation. It was taken in May of 2012 on a fossil field trip. This is my idea of peaceful. Early morning, road trip, lots of snacks. :)

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